HEROIC LOVE- Embrace The Challenge Of Intimate Partnership In Sobriety
Do you feel a mile away from the lover who rests a mere inches
Gay or straight, for most recovering addicts, intimate connection with others- particularly a romantic partner- is both feared and desired. Few things are as threatening to our sense of safety as the possibility of being "seen" by another. Shame robs us of the possibility of being fully present as ourselves in the loving embrace of someone we unconsciously fear will judge and reject us...thus triggering the return of intolerable feelings of inadequacy.
We may find ourselves in relationships were we withhold our sexuality- sexless partnerships were we sacrifice our desire for sexual pleasure in exchange for a transitory and false safety. Or we unconsciously relate to our partner as a parental redeemer and fear their anger, judgment or rejection. We rely on people pleasing, conflict avoidance and other co-dependent strategies in attempts to avoid the fear of abandonment. Thus, we outsource our sense of safety to our partners and relate to them as our "Higher Power."
We have labelled the various barriers to intimate partnering our
"intimacy disorder." I refute this label!
Heroic Love, my coaching approach to intimacy in sobriety is a
non-pathologizing approach. A new consciousness and a new
approach to "Self" will help you to let go of the many patterns of
protection that are the hallmark of a survivor of childhood relational
trauma, so you can experience a deepening intimacy with your lover
absent the many fears that have robbed your relationship of honesty,
transparency, desire, arousal and connection.